I left the workshop quite disappointed in myself. Facilitating workshops is one of my favorite professional activities. I often leave empowered, excited, and grateful to have the opportunity to share my experience and see others benefit from it. This of course is the essence of being a parent/professional. Transforming personal experience into benefit for others.It is somewhat ironic that, given the opportunity to explore the topic itself, I stepped back and did not share from my personal perspective, one of my workshop trademarks. I left the workshop feeling like it was an epic failure. It probably wasn't the"epic failure" I assessed it to be (after all I gave myself a solid C-), but if I had attended, I think I would have felt like the discussion did little more than toss all the balls in the air. I would imagine people who read the topic in the program and chose to come had hoped to leave with the opposite of balls in the air, they were probably seeking a bit of grounding.
Following my own advice, and an actual slide in the presentation that mistakes are our best teachers, here is what I wish I would have done and said yesterday in the workshop:
Top 5 Tips for Balancing the Parent/Professional roles:
1. Be kind to yourself.
We must practice what we preach.
2. Heal your hurts.
This seems like it is obvious, but many of us are drawn to helping professions because we had caretaking roles in childhood. Caretaking feels safe, normal, and the roles that are most "us". There is a difference, however, between hurts that have been transformed into wisdom to be shared, and those of us who use our work as a forum to continue to try and feel in power and control over life's wounds. Check out this great TED talk on the topic.
SECRETS OF A WOUNDED HEALER
https://youtu.be/CfSXQgksae4
3. Find refill stations.
We often think that our problem in life is a lack of time. After all, there are "only 24 hours in a day." A favorite inspirational speaker of mine, Matthew Kelly, has a pretty strong thought on this topic: "Life is about creating a lifestyle that generates more energy. If you had more energy, would you be able to fulfill more of your dreams? How many of the problems in your relationships are created because you simply don’t have enough energy? We don’t need more time. We need more energy!" Find what gives you energy! Choose personal relationships that refill rather than drain. There is already a large drain on your personal resources.
4. Family first.
It's not as though this is a black and white choice. We live and die by the choices we make that are gray because they have both pros and cons. The point here is to be intentional about your choices and create a litmus test that challenges whether your actions are contributing to the short-term (which must sometimes be sacrificed) and/or the long-term greater good of the family. For example, I was a happier, more centered person when I was able to rekindle my professional career. I might have missed a few more swim meets and band competitions, but overall my family got a better version of myself than when I only worked in the home and fell isolated. Look at your habits and make sure that your time serves your personal mission in life, whatever that may be.
5. Be kind to yourself.
Yes, I already said that. "Repetition is mother of skill," Anthony Robbins. The point here is don't just do it, make it a habit. We have the gift of witnessing many hurts and wounds in life. To combat compassion fatigue, we must learn to be kind to ourselves, to recognize our gifts, and our limits. Perceiving ourselves as not good enough inhibits our personal freedom. Sometimes, "good enough" is "good enough". I will end with my favorite quote that sums it all up,
